October 15, 2010

For my woman friends...

When I was a child, I used to wonder what marriage is. Different people gave me different ideas about this social concept.
When I grew, I wondered what love is, nobody could answer my queries on love then.
When I became educated and independent, I felt the need for someone who could complete me,
who would love me and let me love him,
who would be with me and with whom I could just be...

I linked love and marriage with each other. To me, marriage was a social need, to live freely with the person I am in love. It still is...

I was grown up as a woman who loved her life and the freedom that life brings...
Later in my life, I realized that my ideas about marriage are too pure when in reality the whole concept is actually rotten.
Based on the inequality between man and woman, man having the upper hand, this traditional set up made a woman lose all her freedom, to decide individually. She now loses her being as a woman and is known only as a wife whose whole sole responsibility is to please everyone, not considering her personal desires at all. After all, a good wife and a good bahu is one who takes care of everyone (of the man's family - forgetting her maternal family), is adjusting and compromising. The whole set up is so much against nature and against authenticity.
It is full of discrimination but alas! we cannot see it because of our childhood conditionings. Even the most intelligent and educated men never considers the freedom of woman a priority because they are such deeply conditioned with the social norms. If they will start caring about the woman's equality, they would be making their parents unhappy and they are always stuck and patch up the situations somehow. Though, few of us are lucky enough to have understanding life partners.

This discrimination is going to continue until, each woman stands against it. If you won't accept it, no one can do anything to you. I am not saying become aggressive. I am just saying be assertive, respect yourself, respect your freedom. Don't hanker for preferences but treat your own self equal to other humans. I am also not saying don't care about others, don't love. Care, love with all your being but not to please the other. Be authentic while caring, be true while loving. And if you cannot be, just don't fake it.

Our mothers rebelled in their times for their education, which has made our education such an ease. We never felt any discrimination at home, with our brothers...this was not the case with our very own mothers. They were not so lucky. Over the centuries, many people have struggled for achieving such equality.
Now is our time to rebel against any kind of discrimination forced after marriage, after all, we are also responsible to make our babies lives easier.
I am not saying go and fight, am just saying that you don't really need to fight for your freedom, your right to individual decision making. It is yours already. Start being true to yourself. Only when you are true to yourself can you be true to others.

Life is a beautiful phenomenon, and freedom is its gift. We are born with it. No one has any right to intrude in our freedom, its a god's blessing to us. Take control of your lives and be responsible and independent to enjoy this blessing of existence.
So that when you die,...a smile comes to your face showing the contentment that your life was.


  1. Well said my dear..
    Your thoughts are quite encouraging and motivating :)

  2. Hope we " don't condition " our children with such thoughts ;-)))) Well written dear.

  3. Good thoughts Tanuji,
    I just wish everyone including women are true to themselves. This world will really be a better place.


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