Identification, an Illusion

Whatsoever or whosoever one identifies oneself with, when that would be gone, one would feel something dying in him too.

The truth is everything, and everybody that we see around us today will be gone someday.

In existence, nothing has ever been the same, and the things, places and faces surrounding us continue to change.

Someone identifies oneself with his/her son, 

someone with money

someone with job

someone with his/her parents

someone with one's beloved

someone with art

someone with one's house
someone with meditation
someone with spirituality

and most of us with our bodies and mind

Each one of us identify ourself with something, be dependent on that something, and when that is gone or dies, we too let ourself be in misery and then start looking for something else to be identified with. We desire to be in illusion always.

The truth is 

I am not money, I am not the other, I am not my parents or my kids,

I am not a job, I am not a house, I am not fame,

I am not this body, I am not the mind...

I have spent the entire life in identification with the outside, and have never received any real contentment.

I know nothing about my existence, where do I come from, and where will I go when I die...

Who am I?

Let's just watch who or what are we identifying ourselves with. Start discarding everything one by one, and search for the real. That would also lead to feeling of freedom and the possibility of being in love without any dependencies and illusions.

Encounter with the 'real I'

I was born as an innocent being
I was born with an empty slate
I was born with no name

Then...
I was given a name,
      to be used to address me in this world of people.
People around started telling me the ways of the world,
      each one giving me a description of his own.
My empty slate was being written since then,
      by innumerable number of people, with their own descriptions.

As I grew up,
I started seeing the world, according to the descriptions written on my slate.
     In every situation, I would behave after searching for the correct description on my slate.
I started knowing me as my name,
     Now, only my name and the description about me and the world was important to me.
I was Tanu, a Hindu Female, who is tall, fair, beautiful, good in studies and with people, very efficient in all chores and very respectful to the people around and good in taking care of the young ones.

Since then, I have known myself as this description

But sometimes I think,
     what if my name changed to Varuna or Shahrukh,
     what if I was told that I am a male and should never cry and should not cook,
     what if I was told then that sex is a meditation and not a sin,
     what if I was born in the western world,
     what if I was told that elders are not the ones to be respected but the younger ones are,
     what if???

'I' was born clear, living moment to moment...
'I' feel this writing was important, to help me to have some unreal personality to survive in the world.

But,
now time is ripe,
  to seek the real 'I'
     that has no name,
     that can drop this unreal personality in search for the real one
     that can live and see this world, not based on the descriptions imbibed on the slate, but through one's own real seeing, 'I' was born with...

Now time is ripe,
   to encounter with the 'real I'

Me & water...

Sitting beside the blue pool

I saw the blueness, the reflections...

the reflections in water were as real as the world outside it...

it was difficult to identify which is dream, which is reality...

seeing, I got lost for a while

the beauty created by these silent reflections was mesmerizing

Then...

I entered the silent, vast water stretch...

creating ripples around me, moving till the far end,

breaking the reflections, 

shattering the dreams, that seemed like reality a while ago...

Floating in water, feeling the water
I closed my eyes...
I was amazed...
I could feel it on each and every pore of my body...
from my toes to my head...
the coolness, the lightness...
.
I could feel my breath slowing down
and the ripples around becoming smaller and smaller...

a moment came, when the breath stopped.
the ripples stopped.

the disturbance created by me in the water stopped.

the reflections were back.

everything became silent...

I was no more a separate entity
I was one with water

I was a witness...

O death

O death,
help me, encounter me,
I have not yet learnt to live life...
I am just another being who is
     too timid to live
     too timid to take risks for breathing freely
I am a scared being with all the fears of losing

O death,
encounter me,
show me there is nothing to lose,
show me there is nothing to be attached to

I wish to live each moment
courageously
with no fear to lose anything, or any being
with no worry about him or her, about this or that
with love and gratitude towards life itself

O death,
Teach me
Now
As soon as possible
I don't want to postpone the phase of timidness, the phase of being against my heart,
for people I love,

Ahhhh!!! I wonder what kind of love it is
There is just need of each other, which we mistake as love
Love must be something that fills one with a feeling of absolute freedom
But to experience the supreme love, one must be ready to stake everything

O death
Please encounter me
and teach me to Live
I need to meet you...
I don't see any way out...

O death
I know you are my friend
I am not scared of you,
I am just scared of living a timid life

O death
Come, Encounter me...

My explorations of truth...

Throughout our lives, we are learning from the other...

A child has to learn, learn to stand, to eat, to drink...
he sees others, copies them and tries to do and learn what elders are doing.
we see ourselves in others, somebody says 'you are beautiful', we consider ourselves beautiful
somebody says 'you are so ugly, dark', we consider ourselves ugly..
we see the way, the world see at us.

Reflect...
my idea of me being fair, fat, beautiful, tall, is not really mine. It is the other's idea of me, which I have always been thinking as truth.
A society where almost everybody is more than 6 feet, I would think myself as short.

We 'ARE'... of what we think about ourselves, in comparison with the others.

It is needed and is good, but someday, we need to drop it too. Otherwise, we will continue to live a false life, a life which is just a reflection of the other.

We have not yet seen our real beauty. We are not aware of the real knowing yet.

We learn a lot of things from others and say, yes, you are right, but that yes is not our own. It is just external knowledge.

When one sees oneself, throwing away all the ideas of the society put into him, one can see one's real face.
That face which is not in comparison with anybody. It just 'IS'...

When one knows, the knowing is from the heart,
one need not tell or prove it to anybody
infact, one cannot prove
one just knows, his heart knows, it is true...
one has full authority of one's knowing...
Total authority... which can be there only if it is one's own knowing, without any comparison to anybody.

Even if the whole world disappears, one would still have total authority of his knowing, of his truth...

While one is ALIVE...

To waste life, is the greatest sin,

Not knowing what life is,
           while one is alive...
Not entering into the mysteries of existence,
           while one is alive...
Not understanding one's own cries, laughs and sighs,
           while one is alive...
Not going deeper and deeper into oneself until one finds the source of one's existence
           while one is alive...

Alas,   one cannot be alive
           one must be in deep sleep
           one must be dreaming of something
but...
alas,    one fails to live
           while one is alive...    

Let her flow...

Sometimes I feel, if I am just a woman or also a human being...
does a woman really belong to the species called 'human' ?

the human inside me wishes to be free like air,
desires to just 'be'...

to

sometimes become mobile like a tiger

sometimes stop like a buddha

the human in me cries

seeing the discrimination a woman faces...

the human in me desires to tell each and every human being

what are you doing

why not just let her 'be'

why not just let her decide for herself

why force her to be unnatural

Let her flow 

like a breeze...

for she is not to be caged

she is to be loved and respected

she is the one who devote herself to you

she is the one who loves you intensely

she is the one who has made your life, 'Life'

Let her flow

like a breeze...

.

o god!!!

o god
why is forgiving so difficult?
why can't I open my heart to those who have hurt me?
why do I remain entangled in the mind and the past?

o god
when will I be free of the mind
of the past and future...

o god
when will I open my heart to the existence...
for the sun and the rain to pour in...

when will I be one with you...
free of the body, the mind, the heart
and
melt in you...

o god
when?

Sahasrara...the seveth chakra

anand prem

The real me...

The modern world tend to believe only what it sees, only which can be proved.
A person is born as a body and is dead when the body expires, in-between he/she lives.
No soul exists, nothing like rebirth...
We never talk about soul, we cannot believe in something beyond the body...
We will ask to prove where is soul, prove rebirth...

But I ask...
can anybody prove the love that one experiences, when the beloved touches, hugs...
can anybody prove the experience of becoming a mother...
can anybody prove the vastness felt inside, when seeing the vast wild sea and the horizon...
we cannot even express such experiences in words, forget proving...

I wish to share an experience, which might be experience of many, just left unshared...

while meditating, I came across my 7 chakras...
when loving, hugging, I find me heart chakra most active...
when having sex, I find my sex chakra most active...
when i get up from sleep, I find my third-eye chakra most active...
while meditating, I find all the chakras to be active...
I see the energy moving up from the lowest (sex) chakra to the highest (head) chakra...
I used to hear about the chakras from osho, now its my own experience, my trust in him has helped me to experience this...

This experience makes me realise, 'I am not just the body'...
there is something beyond...
I am not just the 'tanu' I know...
I was existing, before I was named 'tanu'...
I was existing, even before I was born, in my mothers womb...
I was existing even before this body was being created in the womb...

I now wish to meet the 'real me'...
the one that is not 'tanu', that is not the body...
and one day, while meeting the real me... may be...I happen to meet God...

amen! :)

i am immensely grateful to you, osho...